I haven’t been on here for a while and really I am not sure if anyone out even reads what I have to say and I suppose it doesn’t matter really I just write for me and if anyone wants to read it well here it is!
I am part of several social networking sites and have many on line and personal friends there as well as family members but for some reason I find that I can speak more freely on here on my personal blog. I feel like this is a place where I can just be me. I have tried to do that on my other social networking sites and I get flack lots of flack and it is annoying really annoying! I really didn’t think that the things I say evoke such controversy but apparently they do.
All my life I have felt like I really don’t belong anywhere like I don’t fit it and I struggled for years trying to fit in to find my place. The older I get the more I realize that I am not a social butterfly and really have no desire to be one I don’t like it. I can’t pretend to be something that I am not so I am going to stop pretending. A friend told me one time that I needed to get out more, to network and to get involved with the community more, to get to know more people. This person knows more people in the few years that they have lived here then I have over the past twenty-five years that I have lived here. So I started to get out and interact more and to be honest for the most part I really wasn’t enjoying myself. Don’t get me wrong I love good conversation but I really don‘t have time for small talk and pointless gossip. Instead I prefer one on one conversation that has depth and can carry on for hours late into the night. I am the sort of person who prefers a few close friends to a bunch of casual acquaintances. I, well both my husband and I allow very few people into our home, our sanctuary and our personal space. I don’t like it when people stop by my home unexpectedly I feel intruded upon when they do this. I prefer a day’s notice when company is stopping by so I can prepare both physically and mentally this is my personal space after all. I find when people stop by unexpectedly it is as obtrusive as when someone wakes you up in the middle of the night. I don’t like calls after 10:00 pm unless it is an emergency. There are very few people whom I don’t mind if they stop by unexpectedly, very few! These rules of course do not apply to my studio and gallery that is a public place over the day. That is why David and I created it.
I just find the more you get to know people the more you get caught up in the politics of their personal lives and things get complicated and you find out things that you really didn’t want to know about. For the most part I prefer to know people superficially and only a few people in depth and I will choose the few people whom I decide to know in depth. It may sound rude but I find in general people to be annoying especially when you are dealing with their baggage! I hate other people’s baggage.
I love and embrace those I chose to be close to and I have decided that I am not going to feel abnormal because I enjoy my own company, my home, my husband, my cats, my art! If people want to call me anti social or reclusive well go ahead! I don’t get bored when I am by myself there are a million and one things that I can do by myself or with my husband or the few people that I choose to be close to! I don’t need to go to social functions all the time just for the sake of not shutting myself away from the world. I prefer to explore the world and the people in it in my way! I am not an open book I don’t want everyone to know about my personal life and business. I have heard so much about other people’s personal lives and it is mind-boggling and too complicated and I find out things that I really don’t want to know about, hear about or see. I don’t need to know about people’s sex lives REALLY I don’t care! To me sex is a private matter between two people. I prefer to be a mystery. I prefer it when people wonder who I am rather then know everything about me and there is nothing wrong with this.
2010 is the year when I decided to start living life my way not the way others think that I should live it. If people want to think I am weird or anti social because of this that is fine so be it!
If I allow you to get to know me you would see that I am a good person. Honest maybe too honest sometimes. I find that people don’t always like honesty more often then not they prefer the comfort of lies but we know that lies are not comfortable! If you confide in me that confidence is NEVER broken. I however, have had my confidence broken by many people both family and supposed friends. So I choose very carefully when confiding in someone and there are some things that I just don’t say to anyone at all! If my husband and I have a disagreement or issue that we are dealing with I prefer to not broadcast it via the friend and family grapevine. We deal with the issues in our lives privately and that is why our relationship is so strong! I NEVER say rude things about my husband behind his back to family and friends and he does the same for me. Why the fuck would someone what to stay with the person that they talk dirt about and I HATE it when my friend or family talks dirt about their partners. I just feel like telling them why are you with them? Obviously you don’t respect them or love them otherwise you would speak ill of them when they are not around! It drives me nutty when people do this. Then when you see them together they are all friendly with each other I don’t get it and I don’t want to get it I don’t want any part of it! I am happy with my life the way it is and I think people just need to work out their own shit!
My parents did a good job of raising me and no they weren’t perfect and to some degree I suffered the results their imperfections but then we all have because there is no such thing as the perfect parent. All parents make mistakes they are only human after all. I love my folks and thank them for the road they started me on they did the best they could at that time. I am certain if they had it to do all over again my upbringing would have been much different but if we all had it to do all over again all of us would make different choices, right? As an adult I have discovered that my ideals are not my parents ideals, my beliefs are not their beliefs. We don’t have to follow in our parent’s footsteps or even live up to their expectations for that matter! I believe if we realize this we can truly become who we really are not who we are expected to be and that is the path that I chose to walk.
So I just move forward and discover, grow, learn and feel more and more comfortable in my own skin as time goes by. It is very enlightening and gratifying to not live up to others expectations and standards. Just be yourself and the ones who are truly your friends the ones who truly matter will like and accept you for whom you really are and not for whom you think you have to pretend to be.
The one thing that I just cannot tolerate is dishonesty and I see it all the time. With people around me even family. I always say that I will only have real anything in my life. Real love, real friendship etc. nothing fake and I stand by that even if it means that I must stand on my own at times. I am very lucky that my husband feels the same way as I do our paths do parallel each other and for that I am grateful!
I am part of several social networking sites and have many on line and personal friends there as well as family members but for some reason I find that I can speak more freely on here on my personal blog. I feel like this is a place where I can just be me. I have tried to do that on my other social networking sites and I get flack lots of flack and it is annoying really annoying! I really didn’t think that the things I say evoke such controversy but apparently they do.
All my life I have felt like I really don’t belong anywhere like I don’t fit it and I struggled for years trying to fit in to find my place. The older I get the more I realize that I am not a social butterfly and really have no desire to be one I don’t like it. I can’t pretend to be something that I am not so I am going to stop pretending. A friend told me one time that I needed to get out more, to network and to get involved with the community more, to get to know more people. This person knows more people in the few years that they have lived here then I have over the past twenty-five years that I have lived here. So I started to get out and interact more and to be honest for the most part I really wasn’t enjoying myself. Don’t get me wrong I love good conversation but I really don‘t have time for small talk and pointless gossip. Instead I prefer one on one conversation that has depth and can carry on for hours late into the night. I am the sort of person who prefers a few close friends to a bunch of casual acquaintances. I, well both my husband and I allow very few people into our home, our sanctuary and our personal space. I don’t like it when people stop by my home unexpectedly I feel intruded upon when they do this. I prefer a day’s notice when company is stopping by so I can prepare both physically and mentally this is my personal space after all. I find when people stop by unexpectedly it is as obtrusive as when someone wakes you up in the middle of the night. I don’t like calls after 10:00 pm unless it is an emergency. There are very few people whom I don’t mind if they stop by unexpectedly, very few! These rules of course do not apply to my studio and gallery that is a public place over the day. That is why David and I created it.
I just find the more you get to know people the more you get caught up in the politics of their personal lives and things get complicated and you find out things that you really didn’t want to know about. For the most part I prefer to know people superficially and only a few people in depth and I will choose the few people whom I decide to know in depth. It may sound rude but I find in general people to be annoying especially when you are dealing with their baggage! I hate other people’s baggage.
I love and embrace those I chose to be close to and I have decided that I am not going to feel abnormal because I enjoy my own company, my home, my husband, my cats, my art! If people want to call me anti social or reclusive well go ahead! I don’t get bored when I am by myself there are a million and one things that I can do by myself or with my husband or the few people that I choose to be close to! I don’t need to go to social functions all the time just for the sake of not shutting myself away from the world. I prefer to explore the world and the people in it in my way! I am not an open book I don’t want everyone to know about my personal life and business. I have heard so much about other people’s personal lives and it is mind-boggling and too complicated and I find out things that I really don’t want to know about, hear about or see. I don’t need to know about people’s sex lives REALLY I don’t care! To me sex is a private matter between two people. I prefer to be a mystery. I prefer it when people wonder who I am rather then know everything about me and there is nothing wrong with this.
2010 is the year when I decided to start living life my way not the way others think that I should live it. If people want to think I am weird or anti social because of this that is fine so be it!
If I allow you to get to know me you would see that I am a good person. Honest maybe too honest sometimes. I find that people don’t always like honesty more often then not they prefer the comfort of lies but we know that lies are not comfortable! If you confide in me that confidence is NEVER broken. I however, have had my confidence broken by many people both family and supposed friends. So I choose very carefully when confiding in someone and there are some things that I just don’t say to anyone at all! If my husband and I have a disagreement or issue that we are dealing with I prefer to not broadcast it via the friend and family grapevine. We deal with the issues in our lives privately and that is why our relationship is so strong! I NEVER say rude things about my husband behind his back to family and friends and he does the same for me. Why the fuck would someone what to stay with the person that they talk dirt about and I HATE it when my friend or family talks dirt about their partners. I just feel like telling them why are you with them? Obviously you don’t respect them or love them otherwise you would speak ill of them when they are not around! It drives me nutty when people do this. Then when you see them together they are all friendly with each other I don’t get it and I don’t want to get it I don’t want any part of it! I am happy with my life the way it is and I think people just need to work out their own shit!
My parents did a good job of raising me and no they weren’t perfect and to some degree I suffered the results their imperfections but then we all have because there is no such thing as the perfect parent. All parents make mistakes they are only human after all. I love my folks and thank them for the road they started me on they did the best they could at that time. I am certain if they had it to do all over again my upbringing would have been much different but if we all had it to do all over again all of us would make different choices, right? As an adult I have discovered that my ideals are not my parents ideals, my beliefs are not their beliefs. We don’t have to follow in our parent’s footsteps or even live up to their expectations for that matter! I believe if we realize this we can truly become who we really are not who we are expected to be and that is the path that I chose to walk.
So I just move forward and discover, grow, learn and feel more and more comfortable in my own skin as time goes by. It is very enlightening and gratifying to not live up to others expectations and standards. Just be yourself and the ones who are truly your friends the ones who truly matter will like and accept you for whom you really are and not for whom you think you have to pretend to be.
The one thing that I just cannot tolerate is dishonesty and I see it all the time. With people around me even family. I always say that I will only have real anything in my life. Real love, real friendship etc. nothing fake and I stand by that even if it means that I must stand on my own at times. I am very lucky that my husband feels the same way as I do our paths do parallel each other and for that I am grateful!
No comments:
Post a Comment